We are on our trip and I am sitting at a closed bar in the lobby of the hotel because that is where the internet has the most signal. Ronald is busy with a class and I am trying to stay occupied and keep my anxiety at bay. So I'm listening to Motown and French music and taking deep breaths and reminding my sorry self that things will be okay.
It's weird how once anxiety starts, it's really hard to get it to go away. The more you give it the more it wants to take. If you give it a segment of your thoughts, it wants to take over your entire brain. It's rough. So I'm trying to not start the process of freaking out, and instead stay calm and collected. Most of the day I have just been faking the whole pulled together thing though, but it's sort of working...sort of.
I have had two coffees and a smoothie today. The coffees were probably bad ideas as that just fuels the nerves, but I couldn't keep my eyes open and felt even more scared while I was half-awake.
Did I tell you I got my chest tattoo shaded in? It's so awesome and I'm in love with it. I will share a picture tomorrow or soon. Right now it is still super red (It's shaded in black and grey), so I need to let it heal a bit more before I can get a good photograph. It hurt like hell, I had to take one break and really felt like a loser for having to take one, but my artist was cool about it.
We have a few more tattoos in the works. R is going to get one next, then I will get another. I'm wanting to get a feather quill on my forearm with a banner through it that says "In the Summer air" as a tribute to how far I have come with my depression (last Summer was my first good Summer in years) and the quill obviously represents my writing.
I also want to get a dahlia or peony on the top of each shoulder kind of draping down my arm like a shirt sleeve. I think it will look so cute to have flowers there and I might get them in color too.
Anyway, thanks for reading this far if you have...I will sign off for now.
Love, Catherine
It will be ok and try to enjoy your trip! =)
ReplyDelete