life collection

I have been feeling incredibly directionless lately. Friday night I cried and sobbed about it until I nearly had a panic attack. It's scary to not have a clue as to what I want to do with my life.

I know eventually, and god willing- and all that, I want to be a mom. I know that sincerely, and deeply. But with our fertility issues and our wait for insurance to be upgraded in February there is a lag time. Also it may take months or even years for us to have a successful pregnancy, and there is no guarantee that that will ever happen. So here's to hoping and waiting and being so damn patient it hurts.

Since that is on hold for the moment and I don't want to be a mom who is fully and only identified by my children, I have to find a life and place of my own. This scares me, this making of my own life, but I have to take some steps forward otherwise I will just flounder.

I have been really bored lately. My whole life has been boring to an extent, and with the depression eating me away for so long I had to live in that boredom because I was spending all my energy fighting to stay alive. Now that things have settled a bit in the mental health department, I am free to fill my days with something other than battling bad moods. So last night Ronald and I went to a bar and had some delicious whiskey sours and discussed what I want to do. without further adieu, here are some of my ideas and plans.

1.) Start my Life Collection Etsy shop. I am going to sell my original ink and watercolor bird art. To start in this goal I am going to have thirty original paintings ready to go before the shop opens. That sounds like a lot but I already have several done and want to have a variety.

2.) Help Ronald out in his job as a sort of assistant. This will get me out of the house since I will go into our office now and then and help me gain some office skills and most of all confidence that I can do "work" type things, but without a ton of pressure at first. I will try to help out ten hours a week. I will do editing, spreadsheets, and work on some marketing ideas. The one thing I am most excited about is decorating our office with things that express our business model and point of view. We have a training room in our office so I want to make that special and reflective of who we are to our students.

3.) Continue with the Life Collection newsletter. This is something I'm really enjoying and I do hope you will join me in developing it! If you have any topic ideas or content to send in email me at catherine(at)life-collection.com.

There are a few other things in the works that I can't quite mention just yet but they are pretty exciting.

What do you do that helps you feel a part of something? What direction is your life heading? Are you happy with that?

xx, C