life collection

Ronald and I celebrated our eleven year anniversary of being a couple on the weekend! We went to lunch and to see a movie (Lone Survivor which was so sad and incredible at the same time).

On Feb. 16th 2003 R and I met at Starbucks with my sister, her now husband, and my brother. As soon as we got there R asked me if I wanted to take a walk. As we walked he told me that he really liked me, and he asked if he could be my boyfriend. I immediately said yes and was so excited. We even remember the exact spot he asked the question and go there often.

That September we were married in a whirlwind wedding. We were ecstatic and so happy to be together. It was awesome. We lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment, went on our honeymoon to Southern California and Disneyland. I made a lot of shitty dinners, and we had our first Christmas dinner together with a precooked ham on a card table and foldable chairs we set up next to our Christmas tree.

We were both in school at our local junior college, and Ron worked full time while I looked for a job. We ended up adopting a kitten (we have always been dog people but our apartment didn't allow dogs).  We named her Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis (Jackie-O for short), she was all black with bright green eyes and was such a doll. After a month or two she got sick and we had to have her put down. It was totally devastating. We kept her one night after we were told she had to be euthanized and it was so sad. On the way to the vet the next morning we listened to some music we had to review (we both did reviews of indie artists for a website), one of the lyrics said "Oh Catherine, I would have done just about anything..." I thought that was Jackie-O telling me she wanted to stay with us and would have if she could have. It was heartbreaking and to this day that song reminds me of her.

The vet told us she had feline aids. We said goodbye and a few months later we adopted another kitten (Scout), she also passed away from feline aids. After this and getting two other kittens who turned out being healthy as can be, the bad started setting in for me. I didn't know what was wrong but I would cry for days on end. I don't mean crying spells throughout the day, I mean all day, for 12 to 16 hours straight just sobbing non-stop. It was one of the worst things I have ever experienced. It lasted well over a year, and then went on and off until I began therapy in 2005.

Through all the tears, and loss, and pain, Ronald has consistently been by my side. He has held me, stayed home from work days on end, canceled hundreds of plans, given me my medications, brought me to my appointments, given me baths, dried my tears, and sat in bed with me convincing me to not kill myself.

We have experienced this battle together and we have gone through more than any couple or person should. And we are still going through it. But what matters is we are going through it together. I am fighting to stay here, to be with him, to be with our loved ones, to be with our dogs and the sunny days and the starry nights. And he is fighting too, we fight together for a life, our life, for a space on this earth.

And the crazy thing is, even in all this shit--we still have a ton of fun. We are so close and are really best friends. We joke and giggle and are just silly. We still go on dates, we still try to impress the other.

I adore him, and he adores me. And we are working on it. On living and loving and being humans, and I am so happy to be his 'special lady friend'.