life collection

Hi.

I'm really good at smiling when I feel like shit. Still struggling a lot. R is working remotely so he can keep me company, it's nice to not be alone for a bit.

I wanted to list a few good things...

Getting our house cleaned. It's been a month and due to my fibromyalgia I really can't deep clean on my own. Can't wait to see a sparkly clean house this afternoon!

My in-laws backyard, which is where R and I are right now. It's full of trees, roses, and comfy patio furniture. My in-laws (P & L) who are always here for me, and Winnie, their adorable english bulldog.

Pretty dresses. I'm really forcing myself to wear a dress every day even when I don't feel like it. On bad days like this I would usually wear jeans but instead I threw on a dress and it really does make me feel more like myself.

Ronald. He knows how to take care of me. From making sure I rest my sprained ankle (which is still fucked to all hell), to making me a pellegrino on ice with a splash of orange bitters. Oh, and he always cuts up the watermelon (which is the best thing of Summer). I could go on, but you know, that would be a book.

Our pups. They are insane and bark a lot. They are also so fun and snuggly. I love how Cricket and Amelia follow me everywhere and they love taking naps with me in bed. Even if I sleep for hours, they clunk out with me. Oh and Isabelle (the littlest and cutest chocolate shih tzu on earth) who wakes me up in the morning by bopping my face with her fuzzy paw.

My bravery. Ok, this is hard to write because I rarely talk nice about myself, but I am a really fucking strong person. I fight like hell every day and it isn't a miracle that I am still alive, its because I am so tough and tenacious. Every day is a huge battle for me. Not only does my brain try to kill me, but I have a lot of physical pain. I take a ton of pills and have intense therapy appointments twice a week just to keep me alive. Every day I work hard, and every night I am plagued with nightmares that no one knows how to fix. I keep going though, because I'm tough.

My blog and all of you. Your comments mean so much. I don't always respond because I am shy as hell, but really, you mean the world to me, each one of you. So thank you!

My friends and family. Got the best note from my sister-in-law and I love my nieces and nephews so much even though I don't see them often (and have yet to meet my newest niece!). My sister and JoJo (her son) keep me going always, and I think of my brother, his wife Heather, and their little girl all the time.

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Today I am going to have some retail therapy with my sister and JoJo. I haven't seen them in months because we keep getting colds and flus right when the other gets better! But right now we are all healthy so time for a Target run! Also, I get to spend the day with them tomorrow. Yay.

So yeah. I'm still trudging. Wish me luck.

C