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| Pablo Neruda |
So here's something I usually don't talk about on the blog: babies. Ronald and I have been trying to get pregnant for a ridiculously long time. When we first decided to try we thought our lives would be pretty normal. We thought my depression would respond to standard treatment, that I wouldn't get a chronic illness, and of course that we would get pregnant after a few months of trying. Seven years later and we are still trying to get pregnant, I have had fibromyalgia since for three years, and my depression is just starting to lift with treatment and hard work.
People often ask when we are going to have kids and we always say we are waiting to start a family. For a long time I told myself we were never going to have a baby, just so it didn't hurt as much. Not only due to the fertility issues but because I will have to be off anti-depressants for the pregnancy which will be super challenging. I was in a state of mourning for a long time because I've wanted to be a mom since childhood. I just really thought it would never happen.
But now things are starting to lift, I'm starting to find myself, to strip away at the old identity that was keeping me stuck and depressed. I'm not sure how motherhood will be with fibro, it will be harder but I'm a tough cookie. And so now we are going to try to have a baby. It seems silly to say that, as we have been trying for all these years, but now our hearts and determination are back in it. We are going to see a fertility specialist in March and I found out at a recent doctors appointment that I have a weird condition that may be the entire reason we aren't able to get pregnant, and that a pretty standard surgery could make it so we can have a baby.
Fertility issues are a weird thing. A lot of people deal with them, but just don't talk about it. For so long I took that road, but I'm done with that. I want to talk about it because it's real, because it shouldn't be a secret. So here's to hoping, and to good things happening.
xo, C
I'm so glad that you wrote this. In fact, I just wrote a post here about the same thing: http://www.emmadeer.com/2015/02/endometriosis.html - I'm not sure if you're going through the exact same thing, but either way - know that you aren't alone. I felt the same way about talking about it, I was so hush hush for the longest time, but there came a point where I HAD to talk about it. I had to get it out there in the universe and I am glad I did. And I am glad you did. I wish only the best for you and Ronald. I know you'll be a wonderful mother. Anytime you want to talk, email me: ohemmadeer{at}gmail{dot}com. If you don't, that's fine too. But it's always nice to have someone who can relate.
ReplyDeletexo,
♥ Em
www.emmadeer.com
Thanks so much for the comment, Em. I'm so sorry you are going through similar issues. I am going to check out your post and I will email you too. I hope we can support each other. :)
Deletexo, C
I know a LOT of people with fertility issues...it's so much more common than people realize. We didn't have any issues really, but my first pregnancy ended really early (I think it's called a chemical pregnancy), just after I'd gotten a positive result at around 4 weeks. It was early, but it was hard, and it's something that not enough people talk about. I am wishing you guys lots of luck! <3
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your first pregnancy ended early. That is so hard. Thanks for the sweet comment.
Deletexo, C
This is terrific news. I'm so happy you decided to share this part of your journey. You guys will be awesome parents xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Lil! You are so sweet! I hope things work out!
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