life collection

1. I am a feminist. Growing up I used to think feminists were crazy, that women have equal everything and feminists were just making a big deal over nothing. Now I know that isn't true. Whether its sexual harassment, blaming the victim in rape cases, physical/verbal/emotional abuse, body judgement, and/or the inequality in pay, I see how much things still need to change. I am passionate about this and I am proud of it. I want to help, I want to help things change and get better.

2. I am a badass bitch. This means, I don't take shit. I don't let people walk all over me. I am direct and that is a good thing. I am crass and confident, and that is a good thing. I swear up a storm and make dirty jokes, and that is a good thing too. It's good because it's me. It's me being true.

3. I am sensitive and emotional and these are assets. I am compassionate and loving. I cry a lot, and this isn't a weakness. I can be hyper-connected and sense others emotions even when they are trying to hide them, I think this is something I can use (and do use) to care for others. I think this is a gift, and I want to treat it as such.

4. I put myself first. This may seem selfish, but it's not. Everyone should put themselves first. It doesn't mean you have to be an asshole, in fact, it usually means you can give more because you are full. I take care of myself. I am not afraid to say that I need space, or take time out for me. I have learned how important this is the hard way, I use to wear myself to the ground to please others and do what I thought others wanted me to do, it messed me up bad. Now I know I come first, and that is good.

5. I am sexy/cute/gorgeous. Ok this one is still a huge struggle. Last year I started wearing dresses almost every day. It works for me, it helps me feel like I am caring for myself. I do it for me. I wear what I want when I want and it's ok to think I look good. It isn't being vain or immodest to think these things. I am still ashamed of the way I look most of the time, but good lord am I working on it! I have fashion goals--things I want to be brave enough to wear, like red lipstick, puffy dresses, and no leggings. The whole thing about this is that I am expressing myself how I want to, and doing what works for me.

6. We are facing our infertility issues. This morning I got my lab work done, and I had an MRI last month to see what's going on. We got some results and they aren't good yet. But I am opening myself to the idea that I will be a mother one day. It's scary. It's hard. It breaks my heart to struggle this much. But I am keeping up hope.

7. I am kicking ass fighting my depression. I am working so hard at this. I go to therapy twice a week and everyday is a struggle, but I'm doing it. I'm pushing through.

8. I'm taking care of myself physically. I'm working out, and eating a lot better. There is still more to do, but I'm making progress. I judge myself so harshly about the way I look physically, it's pretty bad. But I am trying to have self-compassion...which is something I am not that great at yet. For me it's about being strong and feeling good. That is what I want.

9. I'm letting myself have fun. Like so much fun. I'm not afraid to rest, or look silly. I would rather have an amazing experience than keep it together. This weekend R and I drank pink champagne right out of the bottle. It seems so little but that was a big deal for me. I did something a little silly. We were just in pjs on the couch watching Mad Men, but we had a great time being ridiculous together, and it's something I would normally never do.

10. I am crafting a lot. I love it and have so many plans in the works! My shop is up and running and I feel great about it. With everything I make I feel more positive and excited. I feel like I can do and make and be successful.

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There is still a lot of work to be done, but I am feeling better than I have in a long time. I have ups and downs, but every day I keep going. 

What are some things you are doing to be true to yourself and grow?

xo, C