Things have been rough the last several weeks. I was in a really good place for about a month. I started Hungry Bunnies and was creating every day. I had loads of energy and it felt great. Now I am struggling just to shower and do the basics. I'm dealing with intense anger that shows itself in panic attacks and depression. Anxiety disorders are so awful and it's hard for me to not totally freak out that I suffer with one. Anxiety begets anxiety I guess...
Some good things are also happening, and growth as well. I have been socializing a lot more, and I also have been keeping up with my appointments and plans even though I feel like shit. I am also facing my anger in the most direct way I ever have, which is a huge breakthrough.
I feel like I am on the cusp of coming into my own. Of conquering some of my demons and living the creative and passionate life I have always dreamed of and worked toward. Just that I have hope is huge right now. I have fought so unbelievably hard to survive, and I want to do more than that, I want to be full. I want to be brimming with love and good things. I want to be able to be myself fully and without apology. I am excited for what the future holds.
Right now I am working and waiting it out. Peonies are in season and I have vases of them all over the house. The carrots are coming in and the garden is full of promise. Ronald is a badass, and we have a house full of puppy-paws. It's good. It's hard, but it's good.
xo, C
I feel like you're already come into your own. It's not something that's in the future, it's you, NOW. I don't know your thoughts, but it seems to me that you are very much fully yourself, without apology. As you said, it's hard, but it's good. That tells me that even though things aren't perfect, you've made so much progress! Seriously-- any other average person would have given up so long ago. 11 years of hell? You are a badass.
ReplyDeleteBtw, thank you for mentioning your store w/storenvy. I just looked at it, and looked at the platform, and THAT is how I'm going to start MY store. I was thinking Etsy, but it's so expensive and overdone… so this seems perfect for me. I had never heard of it until I checked out your store! Thanks again.